You have to go back to the beginning to understand the end
by KimRaverFan
Summary: Cristina needs Teddy back to Grey Sloan Memorial to do a complicated surgery with her. Though what Cristina doesn't know is that her former attending is suffering from PTSD after she has been held hostage for 6 months in Iran. Teddy was raped, beaten and had a miscarriage so she needs help too. Is Teddy able to help Cristina? And is Cristina able to help Teddy? LAST CHAPTER NOW UP!
1. Chapter 1

**I want Teddy back on Grey's Anatomy so this is my take on what could happen. Though I want to say that I don't wish this to happen to Teddy (or anyone), but I think it would be great TV. **

**I'm no expert when it comes to MEDCOM, medicin, being held hostage or PTSD so if I have written something wrong please tell me so I can correct my mistakes :) **

**English is not my first language so please please tell me if something isn't making sense or some wrong grammar. **

**Otherwise Teddy and Cristina, we will also say a quick hello to Owen and Shane. **

**I have planed around 4 chapters so I hope you Guys like it. **

**I don't own Grey's Anatomy or MEDCOM. I only own this story and the "Jutlandia-Heartsugery"... **

**Please Review! Good Things and constructive criticism are always welcomed :D**

**Enjoy!**

**You have to go back to the beginning to understand the end.**

**April 2014**

Cristina has only done this surgery one time, well she hadn't exactly, she had only assisted. The "Jutlandia-Heartsurgery" as it is called, is very difficult and there are only very few cardiac surgeons who know how to do such a complicated procedure. It was back in her years as a resident that she had assisted Teddy and McQueen, but now it's her turn and she can already smell the victory and Harper Avery. The thing though with this surgery is that there has to be two attendings on it because of the huge risk of failure.

Cristina looks again at the scans and she agrees with herself that this approach would be the only one which could save the patient.

_"Damn I'm good",_ she whispers to herself as she begins the search for her boss, the head of cardio, Dr. Russel.

As always he is in his office... He is the opposite of Teddy when it comes to patientcare and going fare to safe a patient's life, but he is a good surgeon which is what counts, right? Cristina is not always a big patientcare-person herself, but he is not at all...

Dr. Russel is on the phone which makes Cristina impatient. She wants to begin the preparation so she is actually able to perform the surgery.

After 10 minutes her boss finally hangs up the phone.

_"So Dr. Yang, what do you want today..?"_ He says half funny, half sarcastic.

Cristina, serious as always, answers him, _"I need to perform a Jutlandia-Heartsurgery and because of the nature of the surgery I would like to have your authorization to do it and have another attending on this case as well"_

_"No... I'm sorry Dr. Yang, but you can't perform that surgery"_ Russel tells her, now very professional.

_"Why? This kind of procedure can give us awards and our hospital can be put on the map of hardcore cardiac surgeons. The last time we did one Dr. Altman was close to getting a __**"Haper Avery**__" even though our patient didn't even make it. It would be stupid not to do this surgery now". _Cristina says a bit frustrated, actually really frustrated because her fool of a boss doesn't even look like he is considering it.

_"Look, I know you are right, but there needs to be one attending in that OR who has done that kind of surgery before. McQueen is the only cardiac surgeon in this hospital who has and he is still travelling around the world. So no Dr. Yang, I can't authorize it"_

Cristina doesn't answer him, she just leaves his office. She feels like a kid who isn't allowed to have some very good candy. The fact is that this kind of hardcore and special surgery is ones in a lifetime (well sort of) and she wants it even more than a kid wants some stupid candy. And she will get to do that procedure; she just needs to have a little chat with Owen.

She finds him in the south conference room, doing some boring paperwork. He smiles when he sees her and yes they still love each other, but he has Emma and she, she doesn't want him, she wants surgeries. She wants to be the best.

_"Owen, I hate to ask you this, but..."_

_"No you don't"_, Dr. Hunt interrupts her.

_"I don't what"?_ She says a bit confused, because he can't have heard about the surgery already.

_"You don't hate to ask me.."_ he tells her with a little smile.

_"You are right, I don't Owen. But the case is, that I need you to call Teddy because I need her experience and help on a Jutlandia-Heartsugery"_

He takes a deep breath as he always does when he needs to turn you down. _"I'm not so sure Cristina. I haven't heard from Teddy since I fired her and there is a great change that she is somewhere in Europe. But why can you do it with Russel or one of the other"?_

_"Because Owen, McQueen is the only surgeon in this hospital who can perform this surgery and guess what, he is on a freaking vacation, so I need Teddy"!_ She answers him a bit irritated because the incompetence of this hospital is driving her crazy. It's good she'll leave this place in a month.

_"Isn't there other options which can save the patient..?"_ The Chief of Surgery asks slowly, but when he sees the look on his ex-wife's face, he knows that she will not stop until he has called or tried to call Teddy.

_"Please just call her Owen"_, she almost begs, almost.

They lock eyes for couple of seconds and then she leaves the conference room.

Teddy doesn't know when she stopped answering her phone, probably right after she moved in, so about a year. When the phone rings, she just lets it. Most times it's just a salesman or wrong number and then she listens to it on her answering machine - if they leave a message of course which they never really do. Truth to be told she doesn't want to talk with anyone; she doesn't want to have any contact with other human beings. It's not that she never goes outside, she does, she runs and buys food etc. But she doesn't talk with everyone besides what she has to.

Today is no different, it's the same dark life, or that is what it seemed when she woke up. Everything about this day is normal painful until she hears a message from Owen on her answer machine, from Owen Hunt. She had almost forgotten about him and the others, they were part of her former life. But now it all comes back, Henry, her and Cristina, being fired. So much has happened since then and now Owen wants her to come back and do a Jutlandia-Heartsugery with Cristina, if she is in the country of course.

She doesn't know what makes her angry the most. The fact that he calls her because he needs her as a surgeon, not as a person. They were close friends for 5 years, he hasn't even tried to reach her after he fired her and now he just thinks he can use her like this. Or maybe she gets angry because he thinks she is happy and having an amazing job in MEDCOM. But instead she is hiding in her apartment with a great portion of PTSD...

...Only 2 days after she got fired she left for Germany. The Headquarter of MEDCOM was just outside Berlin and that was where her base would be. As chief of the cardio-unit she had with 7 other men planed a tour to Iran to oversee and do surgeries in a local hospital. It wasn't often MEDCOM went to the Middle-East and she had only mentally prepared herself for Europe or the US, but it was great to be back in the desert. No one knows what will happen and you live of the adrenalin. It was good to be there and she slowly forgot about Henry and the bitterness she actually had felt towards Seattle Grace.

After two months or so she began to sleep with one of the volunteering Norwegian trauma surgeons. She knew it was wrong, but it was fresh and hot, with no feelings - just what she needed after the loss of Henry. She needed to feel wanted by a guy again.

Before she knew it, it was already the beginning of November and she was happy. It was early in the morning and she was watching the sunset with one of her colleagues when her life changed radically, though in a good way. Her colleague/friend told a joke and instead of laughing she vomited over his shoes. Normally a person would get pissed, but when you were together 24-7 as they were, things like that didn't matter. Instead he asked laughing if she was pregnant.

She had gone back inside still feeling a bit sick. Her friends question/joke made her wheels turn because when she thought about it she hadn't had her period a couple a weeks ago as she should have. She hadn't thought much about it, it was normal in an environment like this that your body would react a little weird. But could she be pregnant? No, they had been so careful... Or had they really….

She had looked through their supplies to see if there should be a pregnancy test and she was lucky. They had 10 or so, so she didn't feel all that bad by taking one and this was important she agreed with herself.

When the test showed she was pregnant she got so happy that she started crying in the little toilet. It was bad timing. She knew it wouldn't be a good idea to be pregnant in a little hospital in the middle of the desert where bombs could be heard few miles away. She didn't care though all she cared about was that little human inside, that little human she had dreamed about having since, well forever.

She didn't tell anybody about her pregnancy otherwise she would be on the next plane to Germany and she wanted to end her tour in January as planned. There was only a few months left. She didn't even tell the father, she knew she should, but he was a part of her life in Iran and would never be a part of her real life. Feelings were different, stronger even, when you were together in war, but from experience she knew it would change when they reached real life.

It was Christmas morning and the doctors from MEDCOM and the volunteers from around the world were celebrating Christmas. Some had gotten little presents from home and everyone had a good time, they had almost forgotten about where they were and why they were there. People were happy and there were laughter to be heard. It all ended though when they learned that there was a huge transport with at least 30 wounded - it was back to business.

When the transports arrived she was still happy from the good time that morning, though she hadn't got any presents because she was all alone, but she didn't care. She was 10 weeks pregnant and her tour would end in only a fortnight. Life was treating her pretty well, she was going to be a mom and she loved her job even though she knew it would be a challenge with a baby. Life was amazing simply is that.

She was in the middle of a surgery with a young soldier on the table who had been shot right through the heart when she heard gunshots. It all went very fast, she heard screams and more gunshots, but she couldn't do anything, she couldn't leave her patient. Before she knew it, there were around 10 Middle Eastern men in her little OR pointing around with their guns and her last thought was that she would never be a mom and then everything went black.

**Review! Please!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much to you who have reading the first chapter! It means a lot :)**

**- This chapter is a little graphic. Not much, just a little. **

**I still don't own Grey's Anatomy because if I did Teddy would never have left. **

She felt like hell. Her body was hurting, her mouth was unnatural dry and she felt very sick. She was also very confused because she didn't remember anything... But why was she lying in a dark room with only some light from a crack or something in the wall? And why did here smell like death? She tried to sit up against a wall and after a minute she finally succeeded. Where was she? What had happened? She looked into the dark and then it hit her, the massive killing in the hospital, the probably death of her colleagues and friends and her last thought. She immediately took her hand down to her stomach, but nothing felt out of the ordinary and she was felt with relief. Though deep down she knew that she actually never would be a mom since she apparently had been kidnapped. Well she would probably never be anything again.

She had no idea how long she had been there. She had tried to count the days, but she had given up after 7 or was it 9 days? She either slept or stared empty into the darkness to escape. She had gotten food 3 times and she had a bucket with water so they were definitely trying to keep her alive, for now. But why, that she couldn't quite figure out. All she knew was that her baby wasn't feeling very good and neither was she.

Later that day a man had come to her room and she thought she was finally getting some food again, however she wasn't.

He had starred at her skinny lying form and then he had bent down to touch her cheek, very caring actually, but then his hand had gone further down. He had touched her breasts with a slight touch which made her hold her breath because now she knew what was going to happen next. He had stopped touching her breasts and instead he tore her cargo pants off her with such violence that there weren't much of them back. Soon her panties were off too, but then he stopped his movements and was just looking at her in the dim light. She was trembling with fear and hoped that he had changed his mind about raping her. When he stood up she was felt with relief, but he only stood to take his pants down. Before she knew it he was lying on top of her and then he penetrated her with so much force that she screamed. She had never felt so much pain in her life and she couldn't stop her tears from running down her cheeks even though she had promised she wouldn't cry in front of her hostiles. The pain continued until he finished inside her. Afterwards he stood up and kicked her so hard in her stomach that she lost consciousness.

She woke up still half naked with so much pain in her abdomen that she couldn't move. After a while it wore off a bit and she could finally think clearly again. She had been raped, she was in so much pain, and she would probably never come out of here, so the only option was to die… In the middle of her thoughts she could feel something wet running down her inner thigh and her first thought was her rapist semen, but yet she led her hand down between her legs. Then she took her hand up to the crack in the wall, afraid of what she was going to see on her finger. Her worst nightmare came through, it was blood, a lot of blood - she had just had a miscarriage. Though she knew it was for the best, she couldn't stop crying. She cried with all the pain she had inside her...

After that it was almost a daily event that one or several men came down to rape her. Some was like the first, some liked to beat her half to death afterwards and others was almost caring like they tried to make her enjoy it too. They were the worst, she hated being kissed and caressed by them, it made her sick. With the others she didn't feel anything, she was death inside. When she was alone she was just sleeping or just looking. She didn't think, feel or cry – she just couldn't anymore. She only lived for the food they gave her and she only feared for the "caring" raping men. She had tried to take her life once, but she couldn't do it, she was too weak physically and mentally.

One night she heard some gunshots and she thought she was dreaming of that terrible Christmas morning, but all of a sudden someone kicked in the door to her prisoner. She was being rescued.

...It has been a year. She has been tortured with the memories of the kidnapping in over a year, it is her life. And now Owen and Cristina want her back to Seattle Grace, back to her old life – a life she hasn't thought about in, well a very long time. But she actually misses it and most of all, the woman she was back then. What she was capable of. And the Jutlandia-Heartsugery is one hell of a surgery and she knows she can do it, but should she? Just the thought of going back and meeting the people who once knew her, the old her, really scare her. Though she also knows that she needs this… Now she just has to call Owen.. Oh God..

_"Grey Sloan Memorial, this is Dr. Hunt",_ Owen's voice echoes in her head… Though what makes her forget to talk for a second is the name of the hospital. Why has the hospital changed name after Sloan and one of the Greys?

_"Oh hi Owen, this is Teddy... You have called?_" She says with heart going 100 miles pr. hour. - And trying not to sound nervous.

_"Hi Teddy, how are you?"_ He sounds truly happy to talk with her which actually makes her want to cry because she has really missed him.

_"I'm fine..."_ She manages to say without giving her feelings away.

There is a moment of silence before Owen finally breaks it.

_"Look I'm sorry I haven't called you.. I'm just..."_

_"It's fine Owen really... I haven't really kept contact either so... "_ Because I haven't been able to! She wants to yell in the phone, but she can't. She can't talk to anyone about it, not even with a therapist.

There is another moment of silence until he breaks it again.

_"Well the reason why I called is because Cristina needs your help on a Jutlandia-Heartsugery... So do you have the time? Are you in the States? _

_"Yes.. I actually live just outside Seattle now so I'll be there tomorrow at noon.. Bye Owen",_ and she hangs up, doesn't want to hear what he has to say about her living in Seattle.

Actually it was just a safe place to go when she got home to the States after months as a hostage and a month in a German hospital. She has several times thinking of visiting Seattle Grace or Grey Sloan Memorial as it's apparently called now, but she just can't - not until now. God what has she done? She hasn't been in an OR for around 1½ year...

At noon Cristina is waiting outside the hospital, waiting for her old mentor and friend. Well kind of friend. She is so excited that Teddy accepted so they can do this amazing surgery together! All of a sudden she sees a woman standing in the parking lot, looking lost at the hospital. It isn't until few minutes later that she realizes it's Teddy standing there, well a much skinnier and very unhealthy looking version of the Teddy Altman she knew. Cristina is not sure if she should give the other woman some time or interrupt her clearly deep thoughts. She decides on the first because she wants to get back to work, she doesn't have time for sentimental right now.

"_Dr. Altman",_ she yells as she begins to approach her former mentor. Teddy is hit with both panic but also longing after what she once had when she hears the familiar voice she hasn't heard in years. Teddy turns to the direction where Cristina's voice came from and when she sees the woman in the characteristic navy-blue scrubs she realizes that she has missed her former student and how proud she is of Cristina or Dr. Yang.

Normally Cristina is not the type to get uncertain but when she is only 10 feet from Teddy she has absolutely no idea how to proceed. The way they ended things were so weird because all of a sudden Teddy was gone and she was in a plane crash herself. She had actually thought that her former teacher or friend even would have called, but she hadn't. Not that Yang is one to hold a grudge, though this had actually hurt her a little.

They are looking each other in the eyes still standing 10 feet away from each other and none of them know how to act. Teddy is frozen in her new lacking of social skills so it's Cristina who takes the first step.

"_I'm glad you were able come Teddy. I'm sure we will set the OR on fire like we used to"_. Cristina says as only she can say it.

Teddy answers with a smile because that is the only thing she can do right now. They shake hands and go inside, both lost in their own thoughts. _"What the hell is wrong with Teddy", _is the only thing circulating in Cristina's head until they are in the elevator where she decides to break the ice.

"_So Teddy how have you been"?_ She tries to ask as neutral as possible, tries to hide her worry.

"_Fine"_, Dr. Altman answers quickly and continues in a more normal voice, _"what about you"? _

"_I'm great. Well a lot have change since you got fired… The place is definitely not the same",_ she adds a bit hesitated.

"_What have happened since…"? _Teddy is about to say _"I got fired",_ but she can't say it because those few words are loaded with feelings she doesn't want to feel.

"_For starters, I and some of the others now own the hospital… By the way I'm not together with Owen anymore and Meredith hates me now"_. There is nothing in her voice that indicates how she feels, but Teddy can tell that she is affected, especially about the Owen and Meredith things. Though why do she and others own the hospital? That doesn't make any sense at all.

"_I don't understand…"_ Is all Teddy gets to say when she gets interrupted by the familiar *pling* from the elevator. Their conversation comes to a stop when they are met with people on the cardio-wing who want to small-talk with Teddy. It's about 6 people who stop them to talk with the former head of cardio and Cristina can see that Teddy gets more and more uncomfortable. After the last person Cristina is almost sure that Teddy is going to faint or have a breakdown though Teddy surprises and they manage to get to the prep-room. Inside Teddy just stands, pale and shakes like she has seen a ghost. Cristina has never seen a person in this shape besides herself after the shooting and especially after the plane crash and it's really starting to freak her out seeing the amazing Teddy Altman like this. Will she even be able to perform a surgery? Cristina is not sure, but Teddy is her only hope so she doesn't react on the shaking person in front of her, she just waits and otherwise ignores it. She knows she shouldn't be this cold, but caring can sometimes make matters worse especially when you are a strong woman who normally takes care of yourself, like Teddy does. That being said, she wants to help Teddy with whatever is going on, but talking about feelings and problems before a big surgery are never a good idea, that she knows.

After 5 minutes or so Teddy seams more clearheaded so they begin to make a plan of how to approach. It's almost like the old days where Cristina would learn from her mentor and Teddy forgets for a moment what is going on inside her head. She feels like her old self which she hasn't done since… Well since before Henry's death.

It's close to six in the evening before they are done. They have made a bulletproofed approach, discussed it with the patient and agreed on doing the surgery at 9 am the next day. Teddy is grateful for that they never left the cardio-wing and grateful for that she never met anyone of her former friends neither when she arrived nor now that she is leaving. It was tough earlier when she had to Smalltalk with her ex-colleagues and she is still surprised that she made it without fainting, crying or vomiting, though it was close.

When she is home she can feel how exhausted she is and how hard it had been to act like she is okay. She lies down on her couch and starts to cry. It has been a long time since she has cried, really cried all her pain out. Though besides the darkness and pain she feels confused, she felt good today working with Cristina and it confuses the hell out of her because she never thought she would feel something that wasn't terrible. And right now, lying on the couch and crying hard she can't figure out what is going on inside her. This combination of very bad and a little good is nothing she is used to, she is used to pure darkness and now she actually looking forward to the next day. In the end her body gives up and she falls asleep, crying, with her hand on her stomach like an old habit.

**Review please :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 is here and ready to be read! **

**I still don't own anything besides the candy I'm eating right now... ;)**

**Btw I would love to get some more reviews and especially some constructive criticism! Thank you! :) **

Cristina's shift ended 3 hours ago and she is still at the hospital, not that is unusually, but it's late and she knows that she needs to get some sleep before her and Teddy's big day tomorrow. However she can't go home and she definitely can't sleep not after what she just has read in an article on the internet.

She was and still is so worried for Teddy, which she of course will not admit to anyone, that during the evening she had googled around a little just to see if anything should appear and it had. In a little article from 2013 on page 4 on Google (easy to miss) it had said that an American doctor had been held hostage for about six month and she had just been rescued by Navy Seals which luckily were in the area. Further down, which convinced her that it was Teddy they were talking about, it said that because of safety they couldn't come with more details, but they could say that the MEDCOM cardiac surgeon was now safe home and stabile.

Cristina still shivers here 4 hours after she read the article, just the thought of what possible could have happened to Teddy, it's enough to make her sick. Rationally she knows she should go home and try to sleep, but she needs to talk with Owen about this. He knows or knew Teddy and he needs to help her because after what Cristina saw today she is not sure there will be a Teddy Altman in a few years…

Luckily he is still there and still doing some paperwork as the day before. God she would never be a chief of surgery she thinks as she watches him work in the conference room. He first notices her when she says his name and takes a seat next to him.

"_Owen I need to talk with you about something serious…."_ He just nods and she continues, _"Teddy is not Teddy. She is kind of nervous and it looks like she is about to have a breakdown or maybe she even has one already…"_

Owen tries to interrupt his ex-wife, but Cristina continues to talk_, "I wouldn't say I was worried, but I found an article on the internet which indicates that Teddy has been held hostage for 6 month in Iran…"_

Owen tries to interrupt again this time with sadness in his eyes, but Cristina is not done yet, _"Look I know what you will say and yes I believe she is ready for this surgery tomorrow, I saw it today. But she clearly suffers from PTSD and angst, so I want you to talk with her Owen…" _

This time Owen doesn't try to say anything; he is just looking at her with his sad eyes which in this moment annoy the crap out of her. A couple of minutes later Owen finally begins to speak still with his sad eyes and his frown.

"_As chief I'm not sure I can authorize a surgery, especially this type of surgery, if one of the surgeons suffers from PTSD… Are you really sure about this Cristina? Maybe Teddy was just nervous to be back?" _

"_Yes Owen, I'm sure! She was like me after the plane crash and I just needed to operate, the same goes for Teddy. When we discussed the approach it was like having the old Teddy back. I know she can do this!"_ Cristina states firmly.

"_Are you even sure she is cleared to do surgery..?"_ Owen asks looking suddenly very tired.

Cristina is not sure if she should laugh or cry at Owen's question. Yes she had thought about it herself, but would Teddy really show up here without clearance? Teddy is not stupid and she cares about the patients, so no, Dr. Altman would never operate if she wasn't allowed.

"_Do you really think she would operate without clearance?"_ She asks as it's the most stupid question he can ask her.

"_No I don't, but if she is going through something traumatic then maybe she would to feel like her old self…"_ Now he sounds a bit more irritated because clearly he is tired.

"_Then check Owen! Check if she is cleared… And please when you figure it out then page me so you can tell me that I'm right… When you are at it can't you please go and find Teddy so you two can talk because I seriously think she needs someone and you can relate..!" _

Owen goes from tired to looking like he is having fun in one second before he answers her, _"Since you are so worried Dr. Yang why don't you talk with her yourself?" _

She has no idea of what to say to Owen's suggestion so she laughs and lefts the conference room. She needs to sleep - tomorrow she will set fire to the OR metaphorically speaking and then have a talk with Teddy. Yes that is what she will do.

It was a 12 hour long surgery and they had killed it, everything had been on fire and it was literally speaking freaking hardcore. Shane is starstrucked and can believe what he has just witnessed. It was touch and go for a while because they had to take the patient of bypass, but his mentor Dr. Yang and Dr. Altman worked so quick to repair a hole in the heart that the heart rate became normal again. So the patient has a great to chance survive a surgery which has a 98% risk of failure.

It's amazing and now he is just standing there, starring and these hardcore women who are just washing their hands in the "scrub-in room" like normal people.

Cristina can help but feeling a little flattered and proud that her resident is looking at her like she is some sort of rockstar. Well she is a rockstar she knows that, but still. Shane has just earned himself some very hot sex tonight...

"_Sharky you are starring! Take the patient to post-up and if there is anything unusual, even just a little, page me asap, got it!?" _

Shane just nods, but because of the adrenalin still pumping inside him he can't help himself, so he takes Cristina's head in his and kisses her hard on the mouth – 2 seconds later he is gone.

There is extremely quiet in the "scrub-in room after Shane's departure. Again it's Cristina who breaks the silence.

"_It was good to work with you again Dr. Altman. You were amazing in there"._ She says like nothing weird happened 1 minute ago.

"_Thanks, but you were amazing in there too..."_ Teddy feels happy for the first time in over a year and most important she feels like her old self, the cardio-Goddess who would fight to safe life. So for the first time in a long time she smiles a genuine smile. She even gets the courage to ask Cristina a personal question which she normally wouldn't do because she wouldn't dare_. "… So, are you sleeping with your resident or is the attending-kissing just a new policy..? _

That's a question Cristina hasn't seen coming at all, especially from the "new" Teddy. _"… Uhm uhm…I…I…. Yes I'm sleeping with him…But it's just sex.." _

"_All right then… But why?"_ It's clearly that Teddy is having fun now and that is a good thing, but couldn't it have been over something else Cristina thinks as she tries to come up with a clever answer instead of **"I was horny, he was there".**

"_Well I guess I just needed someone to be there after I lost Owen and Meredith. It's not like is a bad thing. I have always had a thing for my attendings and my professors before that so he is just like me when I was a resident. I use him, he uses me. Teddy if you had been a guy I had totally slept with you too…" _

Teddy has no idea if she should cry or laugh at Cristina's last comment and before she can come up with an answer Cristina interrupts her with a question that hits her like a blow in the stomach.

"_Teddy what's going on with you?"_

"_Nothing. I'm fine.."_ Teddy answers with a barely noticeable smile and an empty look. Before Cristina can react Teddy leaves the room.

Cristina knows that Teddy wants to be alone, but Teddy needs to speak with someone and Cristina has decided that she is going to talk with her. So she follows the older woman into an on-call room.

"_What do you want Cristina"?_ Teddy asks tired, standing in the middle of the very little room.

Cristina closes the door and leans against it. _"As crazy as it may sounds I want to help you, so what has happened to you"?_

"_Nothing… I'm just.."_ Teddy doesn't get further before she gets interrupted.

"_Look I know about the kidnapping and I'm deeply sorry Teddy. I know how it is to go through something that makes you different and not you. You know how I was after the shooting and then there came the plane crash which I'm not completely over yet… it's…" _

This time it's Teddy's turn to interrupt_. "Wait, you have been in a plane crash? When?_

"_You know when we left for… Oh my God Teddy you don't know about it! _

The room comes to a complete silence neither knows what to say, they are just standing there looking at each other.

"_I think you need to sit down..." _Cristina finally manages to say.

Teddy does what Cristina says because by the look in the former resident's eyes she will need the support.

Cristina takes a seat next to Teddy on the bed and then she begins.

"_It was just after my boards, you know when I had to be the lead cardio surgeon. Well the plane crashed when we were on our way and we spent a great portion of time in the woods with no food or water. Simply is that_". She doesn't want to talk about Grey and Sloan; she doesn't want to talk about any of it. Just thinking about it makes her hear the sounds of the animals who was eating of Grey…

"_Did you all make it..?"_ Teddy asks slowly, afraid of the answer.

"_No, we didn't… Two died…"_ So far Cristina has been looking at the floor, but she can feel Teddy looking at her with sad eyes. With eyes of a person who is broken and can't take any more damage.

"_Who died Cristina…?"_ Teddy holds her breath when Cristina tells her. _"Mark and Lexie… Mark and Lexie died"._

"_Oh God.."_ Was all Teddy can say before she begins to cry.

Cristina can't hear her cry neither can she see it from her view, but she knows. The last time Teddy cried in Cristina's company it was a couple of weeks after Henry's death and back then Cristina had just looked and felt stupid. This time is different though, she is different, so she looks at Teddy who is now looking at the floor and then Cristina begins to pat her back slowly. It surprises her that Teddy only stiffens for a moment and then just relaxes and let her comfort her. She must have needed it.

Teddy has no idea how long they have been sitting like this, now holding hands instead. Honestly it scares the crap out of her that she is okay with psychically contact, well this whole day has been weird and she can't quite understand anything**. Lexie and Sloan are dead, Lexie and Sloan are dead, Lexie and Sloan are dead**. That is all she can think of and that she wasn't there for her friends. She was so busy getting out of the country that she didn't even notice that some of her friends had died. She was busy being in Germany, being in Iran, being pregnant, getting raped, not being pregnant and then being busy being alone with PTSD and the loss of her baby. At some point in Iran she had actually been hurt that none from Seattle Grace, well logically enough now Sloan Grey Memorial, had called her. Mostly Arizona, Arizona!? What had happened to her former very close friends?

With a voice which is no more than a whisper she asks, _"How is Arizona?"_

Cristina is so deep in her own thoughts that it takes her some time to process Teddy's question. _"What? ... No Arizona is just fine. She lost a leg though." _

"_Oh God… She must be so angry with me". _

"_She has been through a lot with her leg and Callie. I honestly don't think she has had the time to hate you." _

Once more the room comes to a complete silence; the only thing to be heard is their breathing and sometimes a sob from Teddy. And once again it's Cristina who ends the otherwise comfortable silence.

"_Teddy, you need to talk with someone. I don't care if it's me or another person, but I need you to be okay and be a cardio-Goddess all the time, not only for 12 hours today."_

_I can't Cristina. I just can't talk about it… And why do you care so much"?_

"_For starters, you have made me who I am today and you are my friend. I know I'm not the most sensitive person, but I care about you." _

Cristina just wants to leave it that. She is telling the truth, but not all of it… However she knows she has to open up if she wants Teddy to as well, so she decides to tell her secret to her friend.

"_But I also care about the role of Cardio in this hospital. I'm the most competent and qualified cardiothoracic surgeon here… And I'm leaving…. I hate that I care so much about this place and that I just can't leave without making sure that people can be treated here with a first-class surgeon. I have no idea what has gone into me."_

Teddy doesn't know what she should feel about Cristina's proposals, well neither of them. 70% neither can nor will talk about been held hostage, 20% needs to talk and 10% is really confused. And just the thought of going back to work it's… It's just too overwhelming. So instead she takes the easy way_, "where are you going?"_

"_China"_

"_China..?"_

"_China… It's an amazing opportunity! It's a "Super-hospital" in Beijing and I'll get everything."_ Cristina knows is once in a lifetime and she knows it will help her being the best, so why doesn't she celebrate? Why hasn't she told anyone? Besides Teddy of course.

Like Teddy has read her mind, _"You have changed here and you became a doctor here. It's your home and it can be hard to leave the place where you are safe. Nonetheless trying something new is what makes you better, makes you a better surgeon. Forget about Meredith and Owen, surgery over love, remember?_

**Chapter 4 will be up in a few days where Teddy will tell Cristina everything! **


	4. Chapter 4

**This is the last chapter! I'm so grateful for you who have read it, so thank you so much! :D **

**If there is something you don't like about this ending or want to change anything just tell me and then I'll think about it. xD**

**I still don't own anything! **

Cristina and Teddy are still sitting on the bed, holding hands. It would have been weird a couple of years ago, well it would never have happened a couple of years ago. Now it feels comforting and just the feeling of someone actually being there, is what finally makes Teddy open up.

"_I'll never forget how they raped me, kicked me and spat on me. It was hell. And I can still feel their disgusting hands touching my body and the great pain it was when they raped me. I can hear their moans and smell their sweat. It's haunting me and it's like this dark cloud in my mind. But the worst…." _

She just can't take it anymore and she starts to cry with so much pain. She can deal with being raped and beaten, but the loss of her baby is unbearable. Without knowing she places her hand on her stomach.

Cristina has no idea of what to do. Next to her is Dr. Teddy Altman who has bent her head down to her knees, her right hand is on her stomach, the other hand, which is shaking, is still holding Cristina's hand and then she is crying, like really crying.

It isn't often Cristina hears people cry like they have nothing left, when it happens it's dying patients and she doesn't really know them, so it doesn't touch her as much as this because she is a hardcore doctor. Teddy crying though makes her want to cry too and it makes her feel kind of lost for some reason she can't quite figure out. So she sits there starring out in the little room and thinking of how to act and react. Before she manages to do anything she hears Teddy mumbling something. She removes slowly Teddy's hair from her face to hear which makes Teddy lift her head, looking at Cristina with wet eyes filled with pain.

"_I was pregnant when they kidnapped me and my first rapist kicked me so hard that I had a miscarriage…"_ It's all she manages to say before another wave of tears and sobs hit her. She will never see her baby and she'll never be a mom. Not ever, she couldn't… She wanted that kid so badly that when she lost it something broke inside her, something that can't be fixed.

"_Oh Teddy"_, is all Cristina can say. She feels so deeply sorry for this woman and wishes that she can make Teddy's ghosts go away. Her former mentor is definitely broken and Cristina can only she one rational cure, well two actually: See a psychologist and do surgeries. ORs are her home and her safe-place, Teddy needs that. Simply is that.

Cristina looks at Teddy's trembling body and gets an idea.

"_Lay down!"_ And Teddy does as Cristina says. When Teddy has placed herself closest to the wall Cristina lays down next her so they are only few millimeters between in, looking right into each other's eyes.

"_Teddy you will be all right. You came here today even though it was a challenge for you. You told me what happened to you. You are going to be all right or as all right as you can be."_ Cristina whispers, trying to sound as confident as possible. _"Now Teddy, you are going to place your arms around me and I'll do the same with you. Then will lie here until you don't want to anymore, got it?"_

Teddy has finally stopped crying and is now close to falling asleep, still lying in Cristina's arms, when she opens her eyes slowly and looks at Cristina.

"I'm sure it was a girl… And she would have been 8 month today". Teddy whispers and then she starts to cry again though this time more silently.

Instead of saying anything Cristina just takes Teddy's head in her hands and locking eyes with Teddy. When the broken woman looks away Cristina puts her arms around Teddy's neck to hug her tight.

Teddy has no idea what time it is, but according to the sunset outside it must be early morning. Normally she would feel the emptiness and darkness, however this morning it's not that bad. This morning she is filled with some sort of content. At first she can't quite figure out where she is, but then it all comes back. The surgery, talking with Cristina, crying even worse than she did the previously night at home and the falling asleep in Cristina's arms. Where she still is and she can't help but smile a little. She opens her eyes and looks right into the V-neck of Cristina's navy blue scrubs, suddenly she notices fingers fiddle slowly with her hair. She looks up and is meet with brown eyes looking back at her. Teddy can feel the familiar lump in her throat though this one is because of pure gratefulness to Cristina. She places her hand on Cristina's cheek and whispers a _"thank you"._ That's all Teddy needs to say. Cristina can see in her friend's green eyes what she really wants to say, but can't. Back in the old days they learned to read each other's eyes so Teddy knows that she doesn't have to say more for Cristina to understand her.

"_Let's go have some breakfast and then you should find Owen"._ Cristina says as she is about to get out of bed.

"_Cristina I'm not sure I can…"_ Is all Teddy gets to say before she gets interrupted.

"_Of course you can. You was a Goddess yesterday in that OR and I could see the old Teddy. And about the breakfast, don't worry we are not eating here, I know this little secret coffee place not long from here so let's go there, like right now because I'm freaking starving._"

It isn't until late in the evening before Teddy goes back to the hospital to find Owen. She is sure he's there because Cristina told her that he's always working late since that Emma-lady is often working nightshifts. How romantic, as Cristina put it when she talked about Emma early that day.

After her and Cristina's breakfast she had gone home to think, think about her future and where or if it should be. It hadn't taken her long time to figure out that she wanted back, but she wasn't sure that she could face her old friends who think she wouldn't support them after the plane crash. It had drained her for energy to just be social with Cristina, so how on Earth would she be able to manage a day with so many people? In the end though her rationally side had won, she needed to have a life again and maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to go back to the place where she for a moment had been happy. Besides after the talk with Cristina she feels like her former resident is the key to the end she wants for herself and just the thought of what Cristina has done for her gives her a feeling of some sort of love and caring. Which she hasn't felt in a long time... Maybe it's wrong, but she needs Cristina – her friend. (Well until she goes to China.)

As predicted she finds Owen in one of the conference rooms doing some paperwork. Several times on her way she had been close to turn around and hurry home, but now she is here and starring from the doorway at Owen who hasn't spotted her yet. She can feel the familiar sweat of angst and sickness running through her and she is just about to go when Owen sees her and greets her with a _"Hi Teddy, I'm glad you came". _

She has no idea of how to react so she is just standing there and feels a bit stupid. It doesn't get any easier when Owen crosses the room so he can hug her, but regrets when he is standing right in front of her. She is both filled with relief that he didn't touched her however she is also filled with hurt that he doesn't know how to be around her like he used to.

Instead he asks a question she can't quite place…

"_Are you okay Teddy?" _

"_What do you mean Owen? I have never been better."_ She tries to answer as natural as possible though she can hear that she answered him a bit hurried which she does when she is lying or nervous. And sadly enough she is both, so she just crosses her fingers that Owen didn't notice.

Owen looks skeptical and sad at the same time and that's when she knows that he knows about her. But how? Cristina couldn't have gone to Owen after their talk last night? Could she?

"_I was just thinking about the Jutlandia-Heartsurgery… It's a difficult procedure… And you haven't been in an OR for a while because of…"_ It's easy to see that Owen doesn't feel very comfortable talking about this and in some tragicomic way she finds it a bit funny.

"_How do you know?"_ She whispers.

"_After Cristina had told me about an article she had read I made some few phone calls. I'm so so sorry Teddy." Is there anything I can do for you?" _

She completely taken back by his sympathy, but she is also relieved because he doesn't know about her baby. No one besides Cristina and a doctor in Germany know and she wants to leave it at that. It had been hard to not make the doctor write it in her file, but in the end she had succeeded. She wouldn't want to be reminded of the worst tragedy in her life every time she would go see a doctor and luckily the German doctor understood that.

Teddy is so deep in her thoughts that she almost forgets to answer him, but then he places a hand on her shoulder and she is back in the present.

"_I would like to work here again... Owen please." _

"_I'm not so sure Teddy. Are you sure you are ready"?_ He says, removing his hand and instead starring directly into her eyes which makes her shrink a little.

"_No… But I need this"_. She almost begs him.

"_Look Teddy even though I wanted to hire you back I'm not sure you are ready… Besides I don't need another Cardio attending."_

She is about to ask him about Cristina going to China, but that is when she realizes that Cristina hasn't told anyone. How had Cristina imagined that she would get a job here when Cristina hadn't told Owen yet? Teddy thinks when Owen interrupts her with a surprising question.

"_Are you in therapy or have you been?"_

"_Not really. Just a little in Germany where I had to be cleared for surgery. Why"?_ Teddy asks a bit confusing.

"_I don't understand… How can you be cleared for surgery when you are in this state"? _

Honestly, it annoys Teddy that he has to rub it in, but if that's necessary to come back, well… She would rather be home right now though, hiding in her dark mind, than being interrogated by Owen.

"_It took me some time to realize what have happened and when I did I was already here in Seattle and alone. They cleared me because they couldn't find a reason not to. What happened to me has nothing to do with me being a surgeon." _She says and looks down.

"_Look I can hire you for two month because McQueen are on leave and then I don't know Teddy. But I need you to go back in therapy and then I want you to be on Cristina's service until you are ready to go solo again. All right?"_

Teddy has no idea what she should be feeling right now. She is a complete feeling-mess with happiness, angst and relief, but she knows that she has made the right decision so she thanks Cristina silently.

"_Thank you Owen"._ She says with a genuine smile and for the first time during their conversation Owen can hear the old Teddy.

They stay silent for minute, just looking each other in the eyes and remembering what once was...

"_Why do you want to come back Teddy?" _Owen interrupts both of their thoughts.

"Owen I was, for a moment, I was happy the last time I worked here and I hope to find that again. I know I can't go back in time, but yesterday in that OR I felt like me again and for the first time in over a year I began to understand what kind of end I now wish for myself."

She takes one step back and says, _"You have to go back to the beginning to understand the end_."

And then she leaves with a _"See ya tomorrow Owen and thank you". _

**Please review! And give me Teddy back!**


End file.
